Vol. 11 - A Taxonomy, Part 2

Still working on transcribing the list of soft rock terms generated at the 1994 summit of soft rock artists and patrons, I submit to you part two of the list.  There may actually be a third such list salvaged from the rough notes I have been reading.  I will also share a photo/scan of a few pages in a future issue, so you can glimpse the process (there's not mine).  You may notice that the participants seemed equally focused on abstractions and multicultural references as they entered the final hours of the meeting.  I don't know about you, but the first version of the list has been the catalyst for many debates among my friends and loved ones!  I hope you enjoy this interactive respite from my more scholarly work.  - ed.

Aubrey

Jane

Caroline

Mary

Judy

“La”

“Bah”

“Grooose”

Ventura Highway

The Brill Building

Central Park (in fall)

Abbey Road

Birmingham

The Village Recorder

Worm farms

Compost

Cummerbunds

Cardboard babies

Sherbet punch

Tickle Deodorant

Tickling

Patchwork dresses

Acoustic guitars

Potlucks (with Ambrosia—the band is even better if available—and Deviled Eggs)

Making one’s own soap (or paper)

Candelabras

Press and stick carpet squares

Rec rooms

Dens

Patent leather

Ice box cake

Bundt cake

Cake mix

Valium

Chicken croquettes

Fine Corinthian Leather

African art

MASH

Schoolhouse Rock

Jimmy Connors

Grimace

Wildfire (the horse and the natural phenomenon)

Unnamed horses

Deserts

Desserts

Carrot cake

Luxury liners

Cruises

Sleeping cars

Diaries

Pina Coladas

Awe

Gratitude

Reconciliation

Reunions

Smoking jackets

Round beds

Round stages

Ground beef

Ascots (ironic or not)

Large, dark sunglasses

Richard Tandy

Oates/Oats (the man and the grain)

Art Garfunkel

Bert (not Ernie)

Saddle shoes (for men, ironic or not)

Wheat (fields of… cream of…)

“Woman”

“Girl”

“Lady”

“Woo, Woo, Woo” (“and you…”)

Mine

Forever

Until

Still

Noble gamblers

Prostitutes

Informants

Rubber balls (pink, red)

IUDs

Tic Tacs

Lifesavers candy

Paperweights

Reams

Long telephone cords

Checkers

Chess (as metaphor)

Stage (as metaphor)

Rural gas stations

Diners

Early Bird Specials

Cadillacs

Roadsters (MG)

Fiat

Soft serve

Packaged goods

“Packages”

Fun bags

“Fun bags”

“Meat balloons”

“Sweater meat”

Supple

Pert (shampoo + conditioner)

Cardigans

Tights/leggings

Carnations

Squirrels

Beer can collections

Bobbers/cane fishing poles/coffee cans/earthworms

Lemonade (instant and real)

Instant iced tea (lemon flavored)

Instant hot chocolate

Blow up dolls

Ring pops

Chivalry

Knighthood (for pop stars and royals alike)

Twill

Linen (pants)

Elbow patches

Patches (iron-on)

Decals (iron on, from cereal boxes, boardwalks, etc)

Fringed t-shirts

Clover

Dandelions

Cranberry/pumpkin wine

Cider of any kind

Ceviche

Al fresco

Crème fresh

Favors

Robots (sentient)

Simon

Teddy Ruxpin

Pendergrass

Kentucky blue grass/Long Island sensimilla hybrid

Vocoders

The Moog

SpaceCamp

Harmonicas/harmonica harnesses

Cowboy hats/boots/shirts

Mother of pearl anything

Compasses

Stars

Catholic uniforms (girls)

Priests/nuns/rabbis/preachers/teachers/doctors (also used as metaphors)

“The Man”

Rabbits

Pigs

“Pigs”

Cobwebs/spider webs

Dew drops

The Cheyenne Social Club

Henry Fonda

Peter Billingsley

Robert Redford

Ed Begley Jr.

Darryl Hannah

Peter Scolari

Jonathan Lipnicki

Tara Lipinski

Rita Coolidge

Charles Barkley

Merlin Olsen

Cusack (John)

Barley

Turnips

Pine cones

Sugar

“Sugar”

Honey

“Honey”

The Sierra Nevadas

National Bohemian

Club rooms

Billiards (not pool!)

Manual lawnmowers

Roasts (the meal and the humorous send-up to stars)

Vests

Scarves

Handkerchiefs

Wells

Fences

Windows (open, stained-glass, etc)

“Windowpanes”

Bicycles

Peter Cetera

Chicago (the city in Illinois)

Starships

Paul Kantner

Bathtubs (footed)

Washtubs (with holes)

Paul Williams

Kermit the Frog

Marshmallows

Milk chocolate

Fig Newtons

Wayne Newton

Olivia Newton John

John (Dr.)

John Waite

Todd Rundgren

Eric Carmen

Guys and Dolls (revivals)

Our Town (revivals)

Tim Rice

Chess (the Broadway production)

Chess King

Ice Castles (the film and the dwellings)

Balalaikas

Banjos

Mouth harps/Jew’s harps

Kazoos

Klaatu (not the Beatles)

Any member of Ringo’s All Star Band, past or present

Mike Love

Carl Wilson (not Dennis!)

Arthur Lee

Bryan MacLean

Red Telephones

Old men

Love’s Forever Changes (album)

Love Story (the film)

Zodiac (also “zodiac”)

Tupperware

Dixie (cups, “Old..”)

Chicken patties/Rondelettes

Geno’s (not Burger King or McDonalds)

Two Guys

Dairy Queen (not Carvel!)

Montgomery Ward

Montgomery Clift

Rock Hudson

Italian restaurants

Pizza Hut

Sizzler

 Jack in the Box

Teepees

Sweat lodges

Lakota anything

Grooming kits

Shoe polish kits (DIY)

Chimney sweeps

Duraflame

Kerosene

Vegetable carts

Vegetables (only for Brian Wilson or Van Dyke Parks)

Dick Van Patton

Butchers/bakers/artisans of any ilk (often as metaphors)

Judas Iscariot (not Jesus)

Barabbas (not Jesus)

Joseph (adoptive father of Jesus)

Mr. Drummond

Ralph Macchio

Richard Thomas

Moles (mammals and skin abnormalities)

Family dramas (television)

Pantomime

Magic (as a profession)

Doug Henning

Gene Simmons

Gallagher

 Mork from Ork

Rainbow Suspenders

Gas Crisis, Iran

Pittsburgh Steelers

Dallas Cowboys

Therapy

Inner Child

Circle shaped zipper pulls

Inside Seka (and the, ahem, titular actress)

Taboo (film series and accompanying soundtracks)

Vanessa Del Rio

John Leslie (not Sir John)

“Johnny Wadd”

Seiko

Timex

Gloria Steinem

Brook Shields

Calvins

Aviator glasses/bomber jackets

Chuck wagons

Dachshunds

Finches

Masquerades

Pollution (fight against)

Iron Eyes Cody

Smokey the Bear

Smokey and the Bandit

Citizen Band radios

Convoys

Burt Reynolds

 Trans Ams

Pony cars

Barracudas (the cars and the fish)

Ann and Nancy Wilson

Fatso (the film)

Sammy Davis Jr.

Shuggie Otis

Strawberry letter 22 (and 23)

Billie Preston

Herb Fame

Jeffrey Osbourne

Syreeta

Bernard King

Wilt Chamberlain

Fast Break (the film)

Bubba Smith

Gabe Kaplan

The ABA (not the NBA)

Dr. J.

Cheadle (Don)

Meadowlark Lemon

Cross-country/steeplechase/javelin/high jump/track and field in general

Carl Lewis

Greg Louganis

Whistles

Sonny/Sunny (any mention of any Sonny/Sunny, including boy, Busom Buddies, Bobby Hebb, Bono)

Scott Hamilton

“betcha”

“by golly”

Falsetto

“Keep on Truckin’” mud flaps

Airboats/Hydrofoils/ferries

Irish Blessings

Abraham Lincoln

Martin Luther King Jr.

John F. Kennedy

Thomas Jefferson

Any president for whom a high school with a predominately black population has been named.

Wicker

Jam (not jelly) or preserves of any kind

Canning

Channing (Carol)

Fox hunts

Racist dogs

Larry Wilcox (not Eric Estrada!)

Pringles

Capital “I”

Commemorative plates/coins

Bottle caps/pull tabs

Bongs/one-hitters

High heels/platforms shoes (for men)

Magnum P.I.

T.C.

Helicopters

Tate Donovan

Stacy Keach

Ordinary People (the film)

Mellow/ Mello

Gold

Michael Lerner

Michael Pare’

Robert Hays

Bronson (Charles)

Soft-focused camera lenses

Coconuts

Limes

Hyperbolic time chambers

Nyquil

Nectar of any kind

Finding god (in prison)

Finding love (not in prison)

Animal trainers/zookeepers/falconry

Leaves of Grass

Giorgio Moroder

Arp

Papillon (the film)

Victor Tayback (pre-Vic)

Grits

Fried eggs (braless)

Billy Paul

Silly Puddy

Lorne Green

Richard Hatch (not Dirk Benedict!)

Richard Kline (aka Larry Dallas)

Female roommates

Crying

Time travel

Time shares

Bathroom appointments shaped like hearts, champagne glasses, etc.

Benson

Hayrides

Apple dumpling gang

Small homes on prairies

Mr. Nels Oleson

Frost (frozen precipitation)

Moss

Pete Best

Soft serve/waffle cones

Alberto Culver haircare products

Dutch Masters

Lavendar